Life is a constant up and down, and some experiences and memories stay with us longer than others. Some of them are so painful, they knock us off our feet, leaving us feeling as though we have lost parts of ourselves. And the truth is that we cannot undo these memories; we cannot erase them from our lives. All we can begin to do is to try to “heal” from our past trauma.

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What is healing?‍

What is it really about? The process of healing is deeply personal and can take form in many different shapes. Maybe it's about making you feel whole again. Maybe it’s about making the heaviness in your chest feel a little more bearable. Maybe it’s about finally allowing yourself to feel—to cry, to be angry, to grieve. To give your emotions the space to exist instead of tucking them away. Or maybe, healing is when the pain of the past begins to soften, when memories lose their sharpness, and when the intensity eases over time. Healing can be all that. It’s about moving forward in life, not from a place of fear, survival, or self-blame, but towards living with intention, self-compassion, and a sense of peace. Even if the scars remain.

How can you start healing?‍

It’s important to remember that healing takes time. There will be days when you feel like life is okay again and you’ve come a long way. And there are other days you find yourself bearing the same pain all over again, wondering if anything has changed. Healing sometimes can feel like you’re running in circles with you always ending up where you started, and that’s okay. That is part of the process.

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Start from a place where you feel safe.

You don’t need to rush. Connecting with your emotional pain requires time and gentleness. The goal isn’t to push yourself into past wounds but to feel safe enough to face them without becoming too overwhelmed. Sometimes, this means revisiting the process over and over until you're ready.

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If you're unsure where to begin, try asking yourself, “What am I trying to heal from?” 

But essentially, healing and processing is not about reliving traumatic experiences over and over again, but it’s more focused on allowing the feelings and images from the past to rise up. The pain might be very difficult to deal with at the beginning, especially if you have pushed away these emotions for a long time, and that’s okay. Remember, you can’t heal what you won’t name, so acknowledging your emotions, past memories, and trauma you’ve been through is already a very big step. 

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Once you’ve become aware and understand what has caused your mental or emotional pain, healing becomes about integration, weaving those experiences into your story without letting them define you. Healing doesn’t mean to “get over it,” but making space for what’s happened and allowing yourself to grow beyond it—not by erasing your story, but by learning to live alongside it with compassion. 

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Try to be kind and gentle with yourself throughout the process. You can’t fix everything all at once, and setbacks are bound to happen along the way. And that doesn’t mean you’re failing but growing and learning.

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Allow yourself to feel, even if it feels messy sometimes: grief, anger, sadness, and numbness—they are all part of your healing process. Avoiding these emotions may seem like strength, but true strength is actually sitting with them, honoring them, and letting them move through you. Sometimes that means allowing your emotions to surface through crying. Tears don’t make you weak; rather, see them as a sign that you’re no longer carrying your pain in silence.

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Eventually, healing will ask you to start letting go, to release the grip that certain thoughts, memories, or patterns have on you or daily life. You’ll need to learn new ways to cope, communicate, set boundaries, manage your emotions, or build resilience instead of avoiding discomfort.

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And most importantly, you don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to walk on this journey alone. It could be a therapist, a friend, or a support group. Anyone you feel safe enough to open up to and to be part of your healing journey. They can be there for you when you need someone to listen to or vent to, or they can check in on you and give you encouragement when you need it. You don’t have to carry everything by yourself.

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Explore things that can support you on this healing journey; it can be more than going to therapy. It could be journaling, going on regular walks, meditation—anything that resonates with you, brings you comfort, and helps you reconnect with yourself.

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A Final Thought

Everyone’s healing journey is different and unique. It will take some time for you to figure out what you need and what is helping you throughout your process. And it’s not about becoming the same person you were before “the pain,” but a new version of yourself, more whole and healed and more at peace with where you’ve been and where you’re going. So, be gentle with yourself. You're healing, even on the days it doesn’t feel like it.

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